Review: Beauty and the Beast: A Horny Love Story, Charing Cross Theatre

Move over, Belle, because Bertie is in town. He’s Behind You!’s latest adult pantomime takes place in the wee Scottish village of ‘Lickmanochers’, a stone’s throw from neighbouring Suckmacoch, where a young man dreaming of exploring the world ends up as a prisoner in the Beast’s Traitors-style castle. And if there’s a moral at all to this story, it’s summed up at the end as: “sleep with controlling men”…  

But it’s not just Bertie and the Beast who get their fairytale ending. Dame Flora, who chose her name because she’s “easily spread”, pairs off with Harris, while her much-forgotten daughter Bonnie discovers what love is for the first time, too. 

This raucous story is brought to life by David Shields’ multi-purpose set – allowing the action to morph quickly from petrol station shop to castle – and Robert Draper’s fabulous costumes, including a Loch Ness monster gown and full teapot costume.  

Jon Bradfield and Martin Hooper’s script absolutely oozes with sass and delicious gags. The comedy is current and often shamelessly filthy, and includes characters you can’t help but laugh at, like Sir Angus Steakhouse. Bradfield’s original score riffs off Disney archetypes with affectionate irreverence: ‘Be Our Slave’ replaces ‘Be Our Guest’, while ‘In the Navy’ becomes ‘On an Oil Rig’, the chaotic finale setting where pantomime baddie, Cornelius, meets his end. The plot is gloriously unpredictable – and proudly nonsensical – exactly as any panto should be. 

That said, delays to the start of both acts one and two resulted in a nearly three-hour running time, which had my attention waning towards the end. I’m not entirely convinced by the story’s denouement either – a seldom-mentioned will suddenly appear to deliver everyone’s happy ending. Still, plot holes aside, the overall silliness is so wholehearted that overthinking feels beside the point. 

Performances, meanwhile, are top-tier. Matthew Baldwin’s Dame is an absolute standout, firing off ad-libs with seasoned ease and keeping the audience firmly on side. Keanu Adolphus Johnson’s gay Beast is equally spectacular, unlocking the character’s sexually repressed humour while grounding the role in a surprising amount of emotional truth and sadness.  

From foam cannons to cream-covered scones launched into the stalls, the evening is all-singing, all-dancing – quite literally thanks to Carole Todd’s exuberant choreography. And despite the premise being the polar opposite of family-friendly, the atmosphere in the theatre felt warm and familial – even cosy. It couldn’t be camper, and the audience adored every minute, perhaps spurred on by the show’s uplifting message: “you can do anything you put your mouth to.” 

Presented by: He’s Behind You!
Writers: Jon Bradfield and Martin Hooper 
Composer: Jon Bradfield
Director: Andrew Beckett
Choreographer: Carole Todd
Musical Director/Orchestrator: Aaron Clingham
Set Designer: David Shields
Costume Designer: Robert Draper
Sound Designer: Andrew Johnson
Lighting Designer: Matt Hockley 

Beauty and the Beast: A Horny Love Story runs at the Charing Cross Theatre 
until Sunday 11 January.