Interview: Reflecting on grief and motherhood

Fickle Eulogy, The Hope Theatre

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When Nikol Kollars lost their Mum in the Covid19 pandemic, they wrote down the words they wished they could have said out loud, this developed into Fickle Eulogy. A play about grief and motherhood, and a tribute to Nikol’s own mother.

Fickle Eulogy is at The Hope Theatre from 16 to 18 August.

What can audiences expect from the show?

Ann is sad. Ann is mad. Ann is funny. Oh, and her mother is dead.

This gripping, heartbreaking and hilarious monodrama observes a woman coming to terms with her mother’s sudden death to Covid19 during the pandemic. Set against the backdrop of a world divided by conspiracy theories, media spin, and fear-driven narratives, Fickle Eulogy unpacks the human cost of disinformation. Based on true events, Fickle Eulogy delves into the messy, unpredictable nature of mourning, the weight of ideology, and the struggle to reconcile love with irreconcilable choices. How do we grieve a death that seemed completely avoidable? 

Fickle Eulogy is the journey of Ann as she stands before an audience, tasked with delivering a loving eulogy for her mother, Sue—who refused vaccines, distrusted science, and ultimately died of COVID-19 at the age of 66 years. As the funeral looms, Ann wrestles with grief, frustration, and guilt, slipping into different characters and memories in a whirlwind of humour, raw emotion, and biting truth. What begins as procrastination becomes an unfiltered exploration of loss, love, and letting go.

There is no manual on grieving. It is chaotic. It is colourful. It is lonely. It is confusing. Fickle Eulogy addresses the stigmas our society has on mourning a loved one and opens a conversation about death, letting go and living. And laughing! Then there’s the mother theme. As complex as relationships can be with one’s mother, we can all be joined by the fact that we all have one. And when we lose our mother, something shifts in us. The overlying theme of this play is paying tribute to a beautiful, flawed and greatly missed mother.

Is this your first time performing the show?

Fickle Eulogy premiered to a sold out audience in Barcelona, Spain in June of 2024, then it was performed at Edinburgh Fringe last August. Since then it has been performed a handful of times in Barcelona and is preparing for shows in Europe and beyond. This is the first time performing at Camden and we are very excited to share this unique and special monodrama with London.

What was your inspiration behind the show?

When my mother was infected by Covid19 during the pandemic and died within a week, she was living in Washington, USA. I was living in Spain. Some months later, we had a burial in Hawaii where she is originally from, with only immediate family. A few months later they had a celebration of life for her friends and colleagues in Washington and I could not attend. I started thinking of what I would say to her friends and colleagues, some of whom were with her at the convention where she was infected, knowing she was not vaccinated and at high risk. What I can’t say to my father.

I thought about what is expected in a eulogy, the typical phrases, the niceties. What about my need to get everything off my heavy grieving chest which was much more than sadness; I was angry, I was frustrated, I regretted so much and blamed others and even myself for her death. I thought about how society in general does not want to talk about the ugly truth. As a means to process her death with all of the complex emotions I was feeling and the surprising thoughts I was thinking, I wrote everything down. These words became something bigger and soon they were being said by various characters. Soon enough I was summoned by these words and characters to give them life on the stage.

How long have you been working on the play?

I started writing in 2022. Then I worked on the dramaturgy and rehearsals in 2023. The play premiered in 2024.

Is this version how you originally envisioned it or has it changed drastically since you first put pen to paper?

In general this is how I envisioned it. Some characters have morphed into others. There are some musical moments in the play but I originally thought it might be more musical.

What was it that drew you to this show and role?

I wrote this play and role(s) and wanted to explore the intensity of it in my blood, bones and soul as the actor.

What is it about your character that you most enjoy?

She gives in to the chaos and is raw, vulnerable and strong.

How challenging has this role been for you?

Very, as sometimes it is all so personal. But thankfully the actor in me can handle it.

How important is audience interaction to you?

Theatre is wonderful because we are allowed to react or not react if we do not feel anything. If you want to laugh, please feel free to! If you want to cry, please feel free to. If you want to do nothing, by all means. Just maybe hold back on the boos until after the show?

Are there any plans for what comes next after the show has finished its run for you or the show?

Will bring the show to NYC and Chicago. And we are open to other festivals around the world if you have any to suggest!

If you had to describe your show as a colour what would it be?

White. It is as close to fickle as colour can get.

If you had to describe your show as a meal what would it be?

All you can eat buffet. There is something for everyone. And you’ll want to try it all.

What is the most valuable piece of advice you have received during your career and how has it influenced your work on this show?

Keep writing, keep finding ways to express yourself, get creative works out, support the arts, support your art community. If I hadn’t followed that great advice, my show would have stayed as bits of thoughts inside my head instead of performing in various stages around EU and UK with a strong community of artists supporting me in the journey of my play.

Thanks to Nikol for opening up to us about the inspiration behind their play, if you’d like to see it for yourself, head to The Hope Theatre where it will play between Saturday 16 and Monday 18 August.